Love From The Heart

Sunday was a nice day. Sarah, Alura, and Stephan were all here for breakfast, and Stephan cooked a lovely breakfast while mark was out doing chores around the farm. He made this scrumptious French toast out of a cinnamon bread and our farm fresh eggs. Then some lovely scrambled eggs to go with along with fruit, juice and coffee, too. Okay we helped just a bit! :-)

Sarah headed off for work and Stephan off for his "mother's in law ride", as he calls it, over Trinity Road. Alura and I spent time in the garden, she pruning roses and such, me knitting and supervising. It was a beautiful sunshiny day. Considering rain is expected over night, I'm just soaking it ll up, with my required sunscreen of course.

I'm starting to feel achy in my shoulders and neck and wonder if this is what is to be expected from the Neulasta. If someone touches me there, I'm very tender. And I've done nothing to cause this, honest! I also seem to feel very fidgity after eating. I thought it was from the bit of coffee I had this morning, after stopping coffee three or so weeks back. But then it happened again tonight, only more pronounced. This was after a lovely dinner hosted by our neighbors Tricia and Glen (and son Connor) which included other friends , Debbie and Joe. Dinner was delicious, but Mark was probably right ~ it may have been too soon for an outing. I thoroughly enjoyed the evening, but was on edge and not myself, of course. Then when we arrived home I was so fidgety/anxious, I could hardly stand it. A couple of Atavan's seemed to help me and I was soon asleep for most of the night.

Now it is morning and the rain has arrived. But some very sad news also arrived early today.... I have just learned that a dear friend just lost her husband this morning to lung cancer. He was diagnosed but a month ago and she and I had following along with each other since we both got the a "C" diagnosis about the same time. Hy heart and soul, and all my prayers are with her this morning and today as she navigates through this new and very sad and scary time for her. Today will most likely not be a Valentine Day she will treasure.

Hugs, Debbie... aka the cancer warrior; soon to be survivor 

LIVESTRONG: 

I AM STRONG. I AM LOVED. I AM HEALTHY. WE WILL WIN!

Niece's Experience

My niece, who's mother is a breast cancer survivor of 10 years, wrote this to me:

I REPLAY EVERY STEP IN MY MIND... scared, assured, faithful, hopeful, love, memories, Is my mother going to be here tomorrow? Is she going to see her first born grandson grow? All this brings it back. I knew regardless, my mom's strength out numbered the cancer in her breasts. I knew my mom was going to be strong! I know you have reasons to be strong! I have hope, faith and love for you! We all do. We all love you

I think of my beautiful sweet girls. Alura is so stoic and very practical. Sarah is the soft, fuzzy one. This is nothing new to them, or me. It just is who they are outwardly. And I know they ache equally inside about this. This must be what they are going through now, and it hurts to know they are pained by all this.

Damn this cancer. This weeny, evil demon. Trying to steal its way into our lives and set it all topsy turvy.

Well,   I JUST WON'T LET IT BE.  

Hugs, Debbie... aka the cancer warrior, soon to be survivor

LIVESTRONG:

I AM STRONG. I AM LOVED. I AM HEALTHY. WE WILL WIN!

I So Appreciate Everyone and Everything

Today I heard from the Oncologists office and they are working out all the details for my scans, et al. I'll be going into Memorial for the blood work and everything else is in the hands of insurance for authorization. I'm hopeful that I'll have a regime of tests next week and chemo treatment will start early in February. 

Let's get on with it, I say!

AND Hugs to you all....

I just wanted to share with you all how much I appreciate the outpouring of love and prayers. Yes, we know we are loved by many. But it is odd how something that can feel so devastating at times reminds us how near and dear we are to you, and you are to us.

I know I keep speaking as "we". And even though Mark is strong and healthy as ever, I feel as though this is "we". He and I are two, but yet we are one. After 37 (nearly 38) years of marriage to my best friend in the whole world, it would be impossible for this to just be about me. It is about "us". He is already picking up the slack when I am on the phone, or reading my "Chemo and I" book, or just feeling down and "woe is me" all bundled up in a blanket on the couch.

The reading of material alone is almost overwhelming. My vocabulary is increasing in leaps and bounds, but not with all the lovely fiber/knit/spin/weave terms I would prefer.  The kitchen and living room are filled with breast cancer books and pamphlets, medication sheets, support leads. My knitting bag, spinning wheel, and looms are sitting there calling to me with one little tear droplet sitting at the corner of their eye. They are telling me, "Not to worry, Debbie. We are here waiting for you and pulling for you. We know you will have plenty of time for us, when you are up to it, in the next many weeks of chemo."

So back to the "we"... This is "our" new life for the next several months and probably a good part of 2011. And I think I am okay with it, or at peace with it all. Is Mark? I think so, but I wish I could spare him from it all. I think it may be harder on him to watch me going through all this. He is my rock, my soul mate. Without him I am not whole. We were just but kids when we married and immediately started a family. It really doesn't feel all that long ago when we were wed. He was 20, I 19, turning 20 in a couple of weeks. We have been together for 64% of our lives. Wow, I've never thought of it that way before.

So don't forget about him. When I am getting all this attention and invites to movies and lunch, and all sorts of fun stuff while I am still up to it. Check in on him now and again to see how he is doing. He really does enjoy a quick chat on the phone. Don't tell him I said so, and hopefully he won't read this post. Of course he will refuse your offers, so you must be sneaky and not act like it is about him.

So for now we take it one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. Step by step, inch by inch, closer and closer.......

Let's get on with it, I say!

AND Hugs to you all....

Debbie... aka the cancer warrior

LIVESTRONG: I AM STRONG. I AM LOVED. I AM HEALTHY. WE WILL WIN!