I dodged a bullet, isnt this great...

At one moment I'm thinking, I dodged a bullet, isnt this great, I feel so wonderful. But then reality hits.

When I went in for my Radiation Teach appointment earlier this month, the nurse sent me home with a DVD to watch. It was very helpful. I mean, after all, I've been thinking all is okay, life is wonderful, radiation is easy, heck I got by with a lumpectomy, chemo sucked but it is over, I guess I dodged a bullet and now I can just get on with being a new grammie and loving life. Then the video chronicled 3 to 4 women who have survived breast cancer and how it has changed their lives and continues to change their lives. But more importantly how it doesn't just all end once treatment ends.

I know that this is not over and done with. But I want it to be over and done with. I know there is still scary stuff to face, like the Femara for five years (if I choose to do it). And I know there will be the fear each time I get ready for a new mammogram or scan or some test. I know there is fear of some sort of body damage from chemo and radiation that may arise at some point later in my life. I know... I know.... I KNOW. 

But for now, I will go on and live my life as a Grammie. I will deal with the rest of it as it rears its beautiful or ugly head. I will take one step at a time, one day at a time. one foot in front of the other. I will change as I need when I need, and I will remain the same as it suits me and my situation. I will research what I need to for the decisions I still have yet to make. I will say those Hail Marys and Our Fathers as I need them. I will meditate when I want, and recite positive mantras when I need them. I will still have a glass of wine when I am with my friends and just want to do so. I will cry when it suits me and I can't hold it back anymore, as that is something that has always come easily and freely and often when I don't want it to. And, I guess, I will just be me, whatever that is. And however that may change. And hopefully I will be around for many more years, to see little Nicolas grow and mature, and Sarah's yet-to-be-born son do the same.

And meanwhile, I will put the steroid cream on to help with the redness, tenderness and itchyness resulting from day 19 of radiation. Only 14 more to go!  :-)

Debbie... aka the cancer warrior; AND Survivor 

LIVESTRONG: 

I AM STRONG. I AM LOVED. I AM HEALTHY. WE WILL WIN!