Diagnosed

Bazooka ~ The first day I was diagnosed, Mark disappeared for a moment over to the dining room where our small farm store is located. He returned with this pink alpaca teddy bear for me from our shop. After Sarah described her as bubble gum colored, Mark and I named her Basooka. She sits with me in the living room, while I read and spin. She has gone with me to each appointment since that day, waiting me in the car to bring back a snippet of good news to her after my appointment.

It’s 8 am on Monday, January 10th 2011, and we have slept in a bit. I’m up, just barely, and the phone rings. I rush to it, and the Pathologist is on the phone and the first thing he says is, “I’m sorry...” As he’s talking, Mark jumps up and runs to be next to me. He knows what this is all about because we have been waiting since the Thursday biopsy for some news.

The Pathologist must have said it 15 times during the call, “I’m sorry”... sorry to be calling you but your doctor is in surgery most of the day, sorry to tell you this over the phone but you called several times on Friday asking for a call.... sorry to tell you that you have breast cancer..... sorry.... sorry”. I’M SORRY! MARK IS SORRY! THIS SUCKS!!

So, after some immediate sobs, I thank the Pathologist and ask him to repeat what he has said to me so I can write it down... Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma. He tells me that samples have been sent to another lab to test for hormone receptivity and those will take about a week. “Your doctor will be calling you soon, but he is in surgery right now.” I get off the phone, and think he also said something like “invasive”. What the F___! This does not sound like something I am willing to hear or accept right now.

So Mark and I hug, we cry, we wonder, we worry, we hug some more, we cry some more. This sucks some more.

Of course, when you get a call like this you are ready to charge into action. I’m thinking, “WHAT NEXT?” and yes... I’m shouting it. Let’s get in to see that doctor right now, let’s get this “stuff” out of me. Hurry. hurry... no time to waist.

We spend the day calling the girls, and doing research. I call my doctor’s office to learn he will be in surgery most of the day but will call in and they’ll have him call me today. Later they call to say he is not comfortable calling me until he has the written report of diagnosis, so it will be tomorrow morning.

So we wait some more and wonder, and worry, and read, and research. Sarah tells me she will come up tomorrow and spend the day with me, which puts a huge smile on my face.

I’m reluctant to tell anyone else until I have more information....

LIVESTRONG:

I AM STRONG. I AM LOVED. I AM HEALTHY. WE WILL WIN!